It Burns

Chocolate chip cookies, flaming shots of German schnapps and the Emmys. That's my Sunday night.

I saw one of those million-legged, creepy crawlies in my kitchen and remembered something very traumatizing that happened when I went camping last weekend. I was proudly wearing my headlamp while we set up the tents as it was dark by the time we arrived and I think some bugs were attracted to the light. Suddenly, I heard and felt a mosquito enter my ear. Like IN my ear. In a panic, I stupidly took my finger to try and grab it out and only succeeded in shoving it further into my ear. Screaming by this point, I could feel the vibrations of the bug in my ear canal, muffled, but vibration throughout my entire head. The others came over, shone a light in my ear and told me THEY COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING!

- are you sure it is in your ear?
- YES!! AHGHH!!! I CAN FEEL IT BUZZING AND ARHAHHHGHH! I CAN HEAR IT AND FEEL IT AHRRHHGG! FLYING!!! AHH SHIT!! AHHGHDHH...

(I'm the one who said the second thing there)

M went to go get some tweezers and I stood there trying to shake it out of my head by banging the side of my head as if trying to get water out of my ears. Finally J said he saw it's head slowly crawling it's way out. I froze. Terrified. It then took a few more steps and flew away.

You know when you hear all those horror stories of when people get like a sack of spider's eggs laid in their forehead and they think its a zit until they hatch and blah blah blah. Well, you can imagine the horrific scenarios playing through my mind for the rest of the evening. Thank goodness for beer and night swimming to help me forget such things. The next morning I realized I shouldn't have been afraid anyway. Any of the bugs and viruses living in my body resulting from my time in Kenya would surely kill off whatever I may have caught or had been left from that wimpy Canadian mosquito. So I'm FINE.