My Good Attitude

I'm getting stressed about work again. The other day it was my review and my boss told me that I am doing well and that I have a great attitude. I nearly laughed, because lately I have been feeling so negative about my job and I was sure that my attitude was apparent. Apparently not.

I'm just getting stressed about things that are often completely out of my control. It's maddening. I have to keep reminding myself that a job is not something to get upset over.

It is probably not the work, it is probably just the fact that I have had to make some major life decisions lately and I'm still struggling through it. I keep asking myself, "what the hell are you doing!?!" When I sit down to think about things, I know that I am making the right decisions, but it is still this nagging flicker in the back of my mind. Particularly when I am tired, or worried about money, or my job, or friends or whatever. Which is now.

The good thing is that this usually happens. Any doubt or argument against what I am doing that anyone else could think of, I will most certainly think of as well. And I will have to convince my most difficult critic, myself, on why I am making the right decision. So by the time I actually have to face reality and my choices, I am full of conviction and can move forward confidently. I'm just not quite there yet.

Spring is here. It is good.