Silver linings...

Suddenly my stress has taken on more physical manifestations. My jaw being sore from clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth in my sleep. The twitch in my eye is back. Shoulders tense. Heartburn/acid reflux. Yes, I know... I'm dead sexy. And then, to top it all off... yesterday evening I was looking in the mirror when I found not one but two grey hairs. Most of you are rolling your eyes at this. But other than one strange stray grey that I found in Grade 13, I haven't found grey hair before. Ever. And now, in the midst of a stressful time for me, two decide to rear their ugly heads. But I know the stress won't last much longer. Things are looking better for me, sanity-wise, come December. So I'm hoping the hairs were a fluke and that I'll have to wait another 10 years to find a couple greys. Fingers crossed.

Ok. I am sorry if anyone reading this is an exercise instructor, or is dating one or something, but every instructor at the gym I go to is a bit loopy. And I love it. There was the incident in the summer with the high instructor who wanted a car. And today my instructor was this great peppy, older woman who kept smiling big and talking directly to ME, which at first I thought was just because I hadn't been in that class before and maybe she wanted to be friendly. But then it just got a bit creepy. And then, once class had gotten into it's full swing and she wasn't just looking at me anymore (probably because I started avoiding eye contact), and she was talking about the "new release" of the class (they change the classes every 3 months to keep things fresh) and this was "Body Pump 59". She said, "wow, for a second there I thought I was 59, but I am not, I'm 49... I turn 50 next month. But I might as well be 59, celibacy is the name of the game here, kids. That's what happens when you are over 40 and divorced. There are very few things that make this body rock any more." And then she gave this hoarse cackle.

This type of talk continued on throughout the class. No one really responded. We're talking dead silence. It must be strange being an instructor, expected to be all bubbly and chatty, and when no one responds to your chat it is like you are talking into a great abyss. I guess that sometimes some pretty unexpected things come out of your mouth. Things that either make no sense at all, or are just really bizarre things to be sharing. It kept me entertained anyway. Although I kept my giggles to myself for fear that she would start talking to me again. But these crazy instructors sure inspire me to attend their classes. Much more fun that tv.

Kaberle, you let me down.

It's funny when you are a fan of a team. Particularly one that loses all the time. Ok, not all the time, just when it counts. And you go to see a game, and you are all excited, and you wear your jersey and you post your messenger name as "Kat - leafs game tonight!". But then you go, and they are down by 3-0 in the first period and it doesn't even phase you, because you have never seen them win the cup, you have never seen them come even very close, so you are used to being a fan through and through. And each of the 2 goals they score (despite the fact that they eventually lose 6-2) are really great goals and you love each player like they are family (except Belak) but the game ends and you sit there and think... is it all worth it? Is it worth the $50 for the ticket (despite the fact that the awesome usher Don moved us up to the front of the section because Matt asked nicely)? Is it worth the pain of watching the team you love lose time and time again? Is it worth the defending the Leafs to all the non-believers who mock the fans who cheer despite the pain of defeat?

I don't know. But I am going to 2 more games this season, plus an open practice, and I will be watching them on tv and hoping that they have more luck when I am absent from the stands. I would rather they lose all the games I watch live and win the rest than the other way around.

I think more than anything, the camaraderie you feel with the 1000's of other fans is what makes it worth it at all. The understanding. The frustration. The hope.

I am a cheese ball. But what else is new?

Tomorrow: more work travelling to Windsor. I might hit the casino. Win a million. Fly to Tahiti. I'll let you know how it works out.

Dangerous Footwear

I brought my shoes in to get fixed today. The heels had worn right down on them and the nail stud was exposed. The woman at the cobbler saw this and started yelling at me.

"I hope you haven't been wearing these! This will give you a brain tumor. You should put your health before fashion! This is your life we are talking about! That is why American shoe makers are not allowed to use metal in their heels"

A brain tumor? I was not sure what to make of this. A combination of disbelief and irritation that she was yelling at me, and yet I was also wondering if it was true. My shoes were ridiculously cheap. Yet, how would some one's shoes give them a brain tumor?

Time for some research:

Nothing on Wikipedia, but on Google I found the Industrial Shoe Company who said:

HIGH VOLTAGE hazards - where the potential electrical difference between you and energized parts must be zero to prevent shock.
FOR PROTECTION - Wear conductive shoes. These must have rubber or cork heels, no exposed metal parts, and the floors must be conductive in order for the shoes to perform.

Hopefully I didn't walk on any high voltage areas while wearing those shoes. Otherwise I could be really screwed. Although that could explain why the lights flicker on and off every time I walk into a room.

I often worry about my brain. I think that sometimes I hold my breath in my sleep. And when I was a kid I had one of those small exercise trampolines that I would constantly jump on while watching tv. Sometimes my head would make this thudding noise as if my brain was shaking around in my skull. My parents said I was imagining it but I really heard it. And then there is the whole thing with aspartame. I drink a decent amount of diet coke. Who knows anyway. If the air and water pollution doesn't kill me then the hormones and pesticides in the food will. Why not wash it all down with a big drink and try not to think about it.

Damn, I just wanted my shoes fixed.

3:10

Three minutes and tens seconds of my life gone. Watching a cat on a treadmill. YouTube is the devil's spawn.

Looking at my transcripts, the only two classes that I did 'badly' in for university were "Existence, Freedom & Meaning" and "Personality". OUCH!

Cuba si?

Does anyone want to go to Cuba with me? For 6 or 7 days in December (Dec 15 - 21). It was my New Year's resolution to go and I will be able to take the time off and flights are about $675 (taxes inc) from Toronto to Havana or there is even all-inclusive prices for $795 taxes included and then we (or I) could just leave the resort to stay in Havana for a few days. That is where I really want to go but it wouldn't kill me to sit on a beach for a couple days either. I was going to do a mass email about it but then felt all awkward. I guess blogging it is not exactly socially couth either. And I don't want to necessarily spend 24/7 with the person(s) I go with so if you want to do your own thing too that is cool - I just thought I would put it out there.

Night and Day

Yesterday my roommates and I were discussing how we need a personal assistant. Not one each, we could share one. Lisa needs someone to help her with her homework and cooking, Corinna need someone to write her resume (and marry so she can stay in the country) and I need someone to do my laundry and tell me when to go to bed.

Because I have a major problem. Once it is like 10pm, I suddenly find 1000 things to occupy me, and regardless of my exhaustion, I dont' go to bed until after 1. All the time. Many nights I just sit at my computer going to the same webpages again and again, or I start googling people/things and it just never ends. Or suddenly I realize I HAVE to write in my blog.. because I have SO many important things to say. Then I go to bed after 1, knowing full well that I have to wake up the next morning at 6:30 and that I will be miserable in the morning, but somehow that isn't ever enough to make me actually go to sleep at a reasonable time. It is like I have this evil NIGHTTIME Kathryn who thrives on the pain and suffering that she puts MORNING Kathryn through. And let me tell you, it is not nice in the morning, after only 5 and a half hours sleep, when I have to pull myself out of bed and try and put myself together for work. I am CURSING at NIGHTTIME Kathryn, that evil bitch. Terrible.

I am thinking it stems from being the youngest kid. Growing up I always fought SO hard against my parents and babysitters when they tried to make me go to sleep. I never slept right away, I was always up listening to try and hear what I was missing, convinced that my parents and brother were PLAYING BOARD GAMES and having fun without me.

Bonkers

The company I work for has posted their new commercials on YouTube. Good idea. Although I have to say that I really think the ads are stupid. But that is just my opinion.

I took a creative advertising certificate program in conjunction with my university degree. Despite violently hating some of the teaching staff, it was pretty fun. How bad can assignments be when you get to do radio jingles and produce them, or do mock-up for television commercials and present them to the class? Well, as some of my former classmates can attest, it can be pure hell at times, but in retrospect, it was a little more interesting than if we had been doing ACCOUNTING all day long.

My first forays into advertising came in Grade 4 when requested to create an ad for a product I had created. My product was "Pimple Products" and I masterminded a rap which my current BFF Cara and I videoed, complete with gangsta rap dance moves. I still remember the entire thing:

Pimple Products are the one for you
If you don't want zits then grab yourself a tube
In spray and soap and medical pads
Use this stuff cause it's really rad

Then we ended with a little voicebox sound effects and the old arm cross, we're so tough, pose. (Even funnier to keep in mind is this was during my "afro-mullet / I wear jumpsuits" days). Perhaps my great ability to write compelling ads at such a young age can be explained by some of my early influences, namely my favourite ads when I was about that age, the BONKERS commercials. Fruit flying out of the sky and falling on people! Pure hilarity! Totally rad.

How to succeed in advertising indeed. Obviously, my natural abilities and eye for great ads gives me licence to be as critical as I want of other people's work.

Greetings?

Today I:

1) woke up in a foul mood
2) picked up 4 chocolate bars to give to my 2 roommates
3) told about 50 people to have a great day
4) had 2 diet cokes, a coffee, and a tea
5) think I did well on a test I didn't have time to study for
6) sent out a work email with the first line stating "GREETINGS!". I really have no idea if it was appropriate or not but nothing else seemed right. I am appalled at my new cheesy letter-writing style
7) am up late trying to catch up on work emails
8) did a crossword
9) don't have the time or the energy to write anything else

Legislating Sin

It snowed today. It was pretty, but cold because I wasn't wearing socks. I went to go see the Departed. It was really gory but really good. I liked it a lot.

Some days I really struggle with this blog. Not only what to write, but should I write at all. What is the point? Seems like a bit of a vanity project. And at times I read it and it is so irritating. It is like when you hear the sound of your voice played back to you.

Today a lady I met at an event I was attending had some strange coincidences happen to her. She met not one but two people who lived in houses she used to live in. And they were all visitors from different cities, here for this one event. Strange. People kept saying she should buy a lottery ticket. What the hell does that mean? Just because of strange coincidences means you are lucky? Maybe people figure the stars are aligned and so you should test your luck to see what happens next.

I have had my own coincidences. Last week on the plane to Thunder Bay I sat beside an older lady took out her laptop and watched Star Trek: Deep Space Nine the whole flight. We didn't speak until the landing gear was about to come down and then somehow we found out we both lived in Kenya and climbed Mount Kenya. She did it about 20 years ago. Then at the wedding I just went to there was a guy I knew, only through friends who I hadn't really spoken to since high school. We did the whole... "so, what have you been up to" bit, and craziness occurs yet again... turns out he was living in Nairobi 2 years ago, same type of job as me. Loved it as much as I did. He said it doesn't get any easier as time goes on, the missing it. And then today at the event, someone came up to talk to me and I could have sworn his accent was familiar. I wanted to ask if he was from Kenya but I thought it would be rude to assume that one of the few African guys in Sudbury was from Kenya. Turns out he was. And another girl he brought over. They live in Kimani, which is not far from Nairobi. We spoke some Kiswahili and exchanged emails.

Talking to them brought something back that I don't remember when I talk to westerners who had similar experiences to me. Talking to them I felt something I forgot about. It is the guilt. Like that I should do something for them. Because I have so much here, so easily. And they are so excited to be in Canada, but I know where they come from and what it is like there and that they are going to live the rest of their lives there, struggling, even if they get a good job, and it is upsetting. And it reminded me how I felt almost every day when I was in Kenya. I did have the best moments of my life there. Every day was really great, unbelievable. But that feeling was there too. And that kind of weird helplessness. That no matter what you do, it will never be enough. It won't change things.

And then I read in the economist today that Katherine Harris, a US republican senate candidate told a crowd of Baptists that "If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin." Where the hell do these people come from and who the hell is so stupid to want to vote for someone who spews that kind of crap!?? I just don't get it.

New Addiction

My obsession with maps and countries and cities continues. This game is addictive. A city and country name pop up and you have 10 seconds to click on a world map where you think the city is. Then you are marked depending on how fast it took you and how close you are to the city. After 10 cities you see your averages. I am good with getting the countries right but with huge countries like Russia that I know almost nothing about, it can really screw you up when your guess is over 10000km off! Stupid Russia!! Anyway, I am addicted but it is ok because I was just sitting in a hotel room in Sudbury doing nothing much anyway. For those of you NOT from Northern Ontario - try finding Sudbury on a world map!

Thanks, Peder for the link!